I escaped this morning for my one daily outing of exercise. The new way of living. The new normal. I had an overwhelming urge to regather my thoughts, to clear my head, to escape and to do some thinking.
The last few weeks have been a roller coaster. From a work point of view, you can crisis plan, you can see which of your clients is going to be worst hit from the effects of Covid-19, but when your planning starts to become a reality…it’s raw. You feel bruised. The Forge is bruised – just like so many other businesses.
And then there’s the home schooling. Where do I even start on this? The pressure felt to deliver for your kids on an educational front, whilst running your own company is immense. This coupled with social media tales of perfect home-schooling escapades with perfectly behaved children sent me over the edge and made me feel inadequate. To be fair there weren’t many. But even the one did the job. Perfection was a far cry from my household – in fact it was a complete and utter shit show. For once, my organisation and best-in-class approach failed and I couldn’t fix it. My head was spinning, spinning off kilter and I was about to fall. And fall hard.
I hadn’t realised the enormity of what I was feeling until this morning at 8am. I drove 10 minutes to my favourite place to run. I needed to punish my body with the ice-cold air as I ran in the shade of the trees – only sometimes feeling the warmth of the sun flicker on me hoping it would give me a renewed sense of ‘can do’ attitude.
I started to run, my dogs chasing in front of me. And that’s when they came. Tears. Tears in abundance. The gasping for air as the sheer weight of this ‘new life’ swept through me.
It’s only just begun and the feeling of being beaten overflowed within me.
Now, this is not like me. I’m a positive, can-do, glass is always half-full kinda girl. I look for the positive in everything. This meltdown rocked me to the core.
Four miles in and after a lot of talking to myself and digging deep – my sleeve now drenched, not from sweat but from the tears that stained my face, it dawned on me that this is a fight worth fighting. It’s a speed bump, a pretty big speed bump, but it will come to an end – this isn’t our forever. It is our ‘new way’ for now. We have to remember that. (Maybe it will rear its ugly ahead again…but we don’t know that for sure yet. Let’s hope not.)
Clearly, the next two to three months is about survival on many levels, but let’s pack in a positive and turn this fight of ours into a period of planning and resetting so that we come back bigger, better and stronger. Let’s shift our mindset from pitying what we’ve lost, but look at it as a way to rebalance, refocus, tweak and adjust the course that was planned, making it more solid, more compelling and more fruitful.
Lastly, I also learnt that it’s ok to have tears and to bear your weaknesses. We can’t always be perfect and it’s ok to realise you can’t keep spinning all those precious plates. Let some drop – you can pick them back up later.
Mental health is going to be so important during this time, so let’s remember we are in this together. Let’s look out for one another and offer words of encouragement through social interaction.
Onwards & upwards,